Cake Is For Closers

From a very nice card made by my lovely nephew.

It's been over two weeks and I am just now feeling up to discussing my birthday. I woke up the morning of the third of February feeling seriously depressed. It didn't help that I woke up at 5:30 AM to the sound of a screaming baby. And although my husband went to work late so that I could sleep in and made me a beautiful breakfast while fending off two crazymakers I was still in a major funk. And then it snowed all day long. That did not help at all. Also, I had a really awful acne flare up which was truly unfair. Acne and wrinkles together - why wasn't I warned?

I think that for me turning 39 is way harder than 40. I remember hating 29 too and just wanting to get the year over with. I feel the same way now. I am living a lie! I am practically in my forties so why pretend? (This is a symptom of a greater problem which is that my head will never let me be in the moment. Stupid head. Yeah, you.) I do feel like I am saying goodbye to my youth. A good youth. A well-lived and extended-to-almost-the-last-possible-second-youth, but youth nonetheless. Not that I would go back, good God and go through all that angst again? No way. But I am sad to see it go. (Especially the wardrobe. At least I can still fit into most of the shoes.) I am sure I will enjoy old age because, beyond my health and death, there will be much less to worry about. It's middle age I'm not sure I am going to like so much. So much going on, so many responsibilities, so many PTA meetings and questionable hair styles. I'm sure it will be fine. I'm sure it will be more than fine, why I'll be in the shank of life! But I'll probably be kind of grumpy until this year is over. At least forty will be the start of something instead of the end. Soon enough I'll be wishing I was forty again. Instead of 49. It never stops. Stupid head.

Comments

[Orange]

Hell, I wish I were 40 again. I liked 40 just fine. Nice, round number. Imagine my surprise when it was followed by 41. Wait. What's this? The numbers KEEP GOING? Crap. Then came 42 (sigh). My husband is about to turn 43 and he's kinda pissed about it. Where did this number come from?

Sigh.

[Assertagirl]

I felt sort of the same when I turned 30. For awhile I was dreading it until I realized it wasn't the end of something; it was the beginning of something else. I got to leave all of the garbage from my twenties behind.

Happy belated birthday!

[Nancy]

Sorry about the funk. (I am right there with ya sister. And of course, I feel that my funk is even worse than yours!) But, all of this is overshadowed by my utter jubilation at finding a new post on your blog from you... the one....the only...the most beloved Alana T. Reynolds!!!!! We love getting to hear your 'voice.' Thank you for posting!!! Miss u! xoxoxoxo

[jane]

I'm sorry about the funk too.

I turn 39 this year and am now terrif- uh, interested to see what I think about it when July rolls around.

Also, this completely cracks me up: "So much going on, so many responsibilities, so many PTA meetings and questionable hair styles."

[Jill from langerloksh]

I'm one year behind you and right there with you mentally. I remember thinking "I'll feel so much better when I'm 30." And now I look at my mother-in-law and her little-kid-free lifestyle and think "I'll feel so much better when I'm 60."

[E.]

I turned 40 last summer, and that's been hard. 39 was great, for me. I just enjoyed that last year of my 30s. I think I'll be fine once I'm 41, but I'm sort of weirded out by being 40. Once I'm comfortably "in my forties," I think it'll be cool. But I loved turning 30. So much gravitas!

Dude, I'm so there with you on the acne and wrinkles. What is up with that? Not fair. And now that all my lovely pregnancy and post-partum hormones have tapered off and I've got my period back (damnit!), the skin is atrocious for like a week every month. Drat.

[Neil]

Happy belated birthday!

[Belstaff Jackets ireland]

So cute! I already like you on FB and also get your posts on Google Reader. :)