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April 11, 2008

Comments

Assertagirl

Alana, you write terrific posts about being a parent. I consider you my personal guide on the subject. Will you be coming to SF this July?

LetterB

Ha! I can't imagine anything I'd be a worse guide for. But thank you. And yes, hope to be there in July.

Orange

What's 365 times 18? Roughly 7,000 days where your kids will be in the house. If they are fed, clothed, sheltered, and kept safe, you have done all right by them. You don't have to be Super! Wonder! Mom! all 7,000 of those days—just a smattering here and there. Keep 'em safe, let 'em know they're loved when they're not driving you absolutely bonkers, and you're a good mom. No abuse? No neglect? Just a little can't-be-helped shrieking-in-frustration from time to time? You are doing fine.

My therapist mentioned "good enough parenting." I don't know much about it, but really, so many of us load expectations onto ourselves that aren't necessary. Nobody is a perfect parent. Everyone has rough days (or weeks, or months, or years—ages 2 to 4 were really tough with my kid). Do what you're able to do, and cut yourself a lot of slack.

My cousin has a barometer in her head, too. She can tell when it's about to rain because a migraine starts to kick in. One time, she said, "It's gonna rain. My head feels funny," and I said don't be silly, it really doesn't look like rain. About a half hour later, the skies darkened and the rain began. Holy crap! If only you human barometers could harness your skills in a way that you could make big money.

Katie

You poor thing. I take it this means you won't be joining us tonight? Sometimes a drink is the best cure for a crappy week, but then again it sounds like your head may explode all over us. Hope you feel better soon.

kara

you are a wonderful mother, alana. hang in there. you are doing a great job! xoxoxoxooxoxox

Marni

You are soooo not alone! Hang in there!

Noelle

I feel that way without kids sometimes. But kids sounds like it's a lot harder, because there's no such thing as "forget that, I'm not doing it." Sending you good thoughts!

Mignon

Hi. (Sorry I've been bad about commenting.) Orange said all the good stuff I wanted to say. Man, I had a revelation yesterday. I am so glad my kids are past the infant stage, because nothing I've done in life was harder on my emotional well-being than that period in my life. It was so so so hard. Friends with three kids keep asking me when we're going to have a third, and I laugh and say, "I don't think that's going to happen." But in reality, I'm not laughing at all, and inside I'm saying, "You've got to be fucking kidding me, because that will NEVER happen."

On a side note - I watched a marathon of The Dog Whisperer this weekend (lots of time at the in-laws, watching lots of cable we don't have), and it was remarkable how many techniques seemed suited for both dogs and kids. I think I'm going to start doing that FSSST! thing. I like that.

Good luck, Alana. Nobody will think any worse of you if Lowell watches Finding Nemo for three hours a day. I think that's how we got through portions of Madeleine's third year.

kyran

I took mine to the zoo on Friday afternoon, and for the first time in nine years, felt like I could say, "it's getting easier!" I didn't have to lug or push anyone around, nurse anyone, hover over anyone.

And last summer? I could finally sit by the pool and read things.

I know the next challenge level is right around the corner for me. but I can tell you there will be a little respite down the road!

xo

Anne

Oh dear. Much sympathy.

LetterB

You guys have no idea how much these comments have helped. Today was even worse! But I just laughed! Because I know I'm completely f*cked but at least I have company! Thank you so much.

knisk

Sorry to hear "pressure drop a drop on you". But they do say that "when it drop drop you gonna feel it".

crazyunclekev

You worry too much.....Nothing a little spanking and locked in the closet time won't cure....now about the kids ;-)

E.

I'm coming in late on this one thanks to my own crazy week, but let me reiterate: you are not alone. There are days when I find myself saying "is this really me saying these things I thought I'd never say, speaking in this tone of voice, fighting with a frigging five-year-old?"

Amen to Orange. Good enough parenting is wonderful parenting, because we hold ourselves to such high expectations that falling short of the mark tends to be pretty damn good anyway, in the long run.

juliloquy

My hat's off to you. I told my husband just this morning that if I were a sahm, I'm not sure our 3.5-year-old would make it to his fourth birthday. He's in preschool/daycare full time, and he still drives me crazy. Hope better days are coming soon.

Chair

Hon, this is exactly where I've been more than I care to think about lately. Maybe that's what preggo/post-pregg brain is about? Keeping us sane by letting us forget everything so easily? I have never cried so much, so often in my life than I have over the past few months. I wonder how the hell my mom did it with 5 kids. What the hell was I thinking having a second child (and the guilt that comes with questioning the poor, chubby, yummy little dude's existence)? ARGH.

Megan

I don't even have kids, I am just an innocent nanny... and I feel this way everyday.... sadness.... so you're not alone! =)

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