Matthew's ninth grade students handed in their big book-report projects for the quarter on Friday. This weekend he was in grading hell since he had to finish them all and turn in final grades today. (At least he had company - a colleague called up Sunday night and said "the water's running in the bathtub and I got the razor blades in my hand. Talk me down.") Many students, as they are wont, turned to plagarism out of desperation. But one reached a new low. He wrote an unintelligible introduction and then as of the second paragraph it was perfect, fluid prose... in a different font. He didn't even bother to change the font from the web page where he cut and pasted the entire rest of his report. A web page easily found as it was the first one that came up when Googling the title of the book.
Recently the gold filter in our coffee maker ripped and, since even the slightest glitch in the coffee supply chain is not tolerated, I ran right out to get some paper filters to tide us over until it could be replaced. Since I (literally) ran to the health food store I had to get some very expensive nonbleached ones. I noticed as I was standing in line that the brandname was "If You Care." I did a half-eyeroll but somewhere inside my head a smug voice said "Why yes, I do care." Now the damn box haunts me. Everytime I open the pantry it sits there with a reproachful look. "If You Care, then why did you run the dishwasher when it was clearly not full? If You Care then why did you throw that teabag in the garbage instead of into the stinky overflowing compost bin on the counter? Tell me that those are not single-serving non-recyclable plastic containers filled with non-organic applesauce to my left? And I thought You Cared."
If there was a Thomas the Tank Engine gang sign I would flash it at you right now. It is all Thomas all the time these days. I used to chuckle when reading Mimi Smartypants's deconstructions of the TV show as a capitalist wet dream. "Thomas The Conformist, Pansy-Ass Tank Engine..." I would read, "How funny. Tra la la...". But now that our family is becoming fully indoctrinated into the Thomas Nation I find that I am getting very alarmed by the subliminal messages the show and books send out. For instance if you are Useful then you get a new coat of paint. If you are not Useful then you're barely worth the coal you burn. To the scrap heap! Sir Topham Hatt is watching. Always watching... It's freaking me out, man. And I know that this shouldn't bother me, but the stupid aerial shot of the Island of Sodor at the start of the show? Would it kill them to make it a little more to scale? I mean it wouldn't take more than ten minutes to get from one end of the island to the other based on that map. Arrrrgh.
In case you are wondering, yes, the cabin fever has set in. ... --- ... ...---... ...---...
Unfortunately, a lot of the kids at my school plagiarise as well. But, most of them tend to be a little smarter about it and can reword and rephrase to the point where they don't get caught.
Somehow, they don't realize that if they spent as much time doing the actual essay as figuring out how to get around punishment for plagiarism, they'd end up with roughly the same grade.
Posted by: thethinker | January 29, 2007 at 07:00 PM
Totally. When I was in high school I used to point out this very fact to my peers. They loved me.
Posted by: LetterB | January 29, 2007 at 08:31 PM
I dunno...I always thought that "useful" was just a better way to refer to something than "beautiful". You know...the whole concept of beauty as seen through a new coat of paint? I could be wrong.
Posted by: wordgirl | January 30, 2007 at 09:27 AM
Oh man, this post is so many kinds of awesome. I'm especially relieved to know I'm not the only one frozen by guilt if I do anything non-green. (Like throw a scrap of paper into the trash can rather than saving it for a recycling bin.)
The ironic thing about the "If You Care" is that if we truly cared, we wouldn't purchase disposable filters. We'd hand-sew cloth filters from fair-traded, unbleached organic cotton, then wash and reuse them. (Full eye-roll on that sentiment.)
Thomas has threatened to take over our house, too. I have thus far managed to thwart his monopolistic advances by leavening with Bob the Builder and Winnie the Pooh, but must be ever vigilant. . . .
Posted by: juliloquy | January 30, 2007 at 12:09 PM
WG - exactly - beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Sir Topham Hatt would take one look at me and say "Capris? With those calves? I am most disappointed. To the scrap heap!" He gives me the willies.
Posted by: LetterB | January 30, 2007 at 01:54 PM
I too would be stymied by the "if you care" on a coffee filter. I would question if my coffee was actually fair trade, and what does that mean anyway, and am I wasting water when I wash out my reusable cup and does that make it better than disposable, and shouldn't I be composting the grounds, and then on top of all that, is the caffiene doing all kinds of damage to me? The marketing geniuses who came up with those filters need to go back to the drawing board.
Posted by: Noelle | January 31, 2007 at 11:50 AM
On Monday a friend gave me four bags of Thomas shite. Four heaping grocery bags. We basically drove straight home and threw them into the air at the spinning ceiling fan. That's what it looks like in here. Sir Topham Hatt looks like he needs to be pricked. Hee hee.
Posted by: Mignon | February 02, 2007 at 10:03 PM
Interesting to know.
Posted by: Savannah | October 28, 2008 at 04:23 PM