Calgon, take me away.

Today i did not want to be the mommy. Or the wife for that matter. I just wanted to put the baby in the closet, take the batteries out of the husband and leave the house. I do get plenty of breaks but there is always the tug of the baby when I am away. This gravitational force is not always unpleasant but it is always present. So today I just wanted a few hours of amnesia where I have no baby and no husband and no dog and no apartment. Just space and time and maybe a manicure. So when this did not happen, and when I realized that it will not be happening um, ever, I have to say I got a little cranky. I am really beginning to appreciate the wild look in my sister Kara's eyes when she would recommend never having children. She would say "you don't HAVE to have kids Alana. You could have a great life without them. You could do whatever you want, you could go wherever you want..." and then she'd trail off mumbling incoherently. And I thought she was just trying to humor me, since I was sure (for good reasons) that I was unable to have children anyway. Turns out she was serious. I know she is happier that it turned out this way (the pleasure of watching my highs and lows with a new baby far outweigh the vicarious pleasures of my former life) but I understand why she wanted to make sure that I REALLY wanted this.