First Impressions

These last two weeks have been a bit of a blur. Breastfeeding, family visits, breastfeeding, sleeping, not sleeping, playing with Mr. Manic aka Lowell, breastfeeding, watching baseball, staring at the most perfect little face on the planet, swaddling, breastfeeding, sleeping, not sleeping. Through it all I've been thinking of things that I wanted to write posts about but of course I've had little time to even sit at the computer let alone germinate anything long enough to write coherently. Here are a few things I would post long and hard about if I had a clone:

1. Somehow when anticipating Willa's arrival, I forgot about the absolute joy of newborns. I was focusing so much on the downside of going back to square one that I completely forgot that I love sweet little babies and I was going to have one of my very own again. The minute she was in my arms I wanted to give myself a big slap on the head. Riiiiight. Babies are awesome!

2. The first night in the hospital I had Willa in bed with me and I could not stop kissing and nuzzling her. It was almost trance-like. I had no choice, I had to keep snuggling and touching her and breathing in her wonderful scent. It's an amazing thing when instinct takes over. Nothing makes me realize more that we are mammals than giving birth and taking care of a newborn.

3. Lowell is doing really well but obviously going through a variety of feelings. He is very tender with his little sister and proud of being a big brother but he's also having really manic episodes and epic tantrums with us. It's been really tough trying to remember to give him more love and patience than usual when we're all being thrown for a loop. I wish there was some magic way to make it easier for him.

4. A few days after coming home from the hospital I came into Lowell's room when Matthew was putting him to bed. I was holding Willa and went to kiss Lowell goodnight. He threw his hands up to me and cried "Mommy, help me!" with utter sadness and confusion in his voice. I gave the baby to Matthew and sat down on the floor and hugged and rocked Lowell and started to cry. I rarely cry in front of Lowell but if I do he will ask me what's wrong. This time he didn't ask because I think he knew what I was feeling. He was feeling it too. We had a good thing going, Lowell and I, and as joyful as it is to have his sister here it's still a heartbreaking loss.

5. I thought that because we would have less time to focus on Willa we might not be able to enjoy her babyhood as much. But it turns out we're actually able to enjoy her just as much because the whole experience is so much more relaxed this time around. There is so much less anxiety with Project Keep-Alive 2.0 that we both just get to marvel and love her without all the freakouts about rashes, gurgle sounds and crying. It helps that she is sleeping nice long stretches at night right now. Nothing helps you love a newborn more than sleep.

Comments

[supa]

Tearing up. I wish I had thought to remind you of #1. And also that, having done it already, you can appreciate the second baby because you know what's going on and what it turns into (rockin' toddlers).

So glad things are going well. Nuzzle that little newborn head for me.

(Also? @ four months? sleeping through the night REGULARLY. have hope, will travel.)

[supa]

p.s. that photo = killer. such joy.

[Chair]

It's so trippy to read this stuff knowing I'll be there very, very soon myself. I remember how amazing Theya smelled and that I actually wore out some hair on her head from sniffing her so much when she was new. I am worried about how hard it'll be for her to see me so occupied, too. I hope I can let her know how amazing she still is when The Bean comes.

[Mandy]

Awwwww, so cute. Congratulations from a loyal reader! #4 made me tear up, and is secretly one of my reasons for only having one child.

[Felicia]

What a precious adventure you're on :)

[E.]

Oh, lovely. Congratulations on Willa. I love the name. Yes, I've been experiencing all of this, too, with our little newborn and big boy. #4 made my heart hurt. But you're obviously attentive to what Lowell is going through, and that will help him so much. And #s 1 and 2, too. I think my little baby girl's head is a kiss magnet - I just can't stop. (And I've been giving my big boy lots of kisses and hugs, too, to let him know he's still my baby.)