Lowell's Birth Story

When I started this blog last year one of the first things I wanted to do was write up and post Lowell's birth story. I had been so inspired by ones that I had read online before I gave birth (this one, and this one especially) that I actually made notes in my journal while i was in labor so that I could remember what happened (what can i say? i had grand designs). When I was incapacitated my husband and sister took over making the entries - they were very funny and even had illustrations. Suffice to say it's a year later and I have still not typed it up. It became one of those things like the kit we have to make an impression handprint (let's do it when he's a newborn, okay at 3 mos, I know, we'll do it for his 6 month birthday, how about when he is a year?). Last week I took out my journal and re-read the entries to Matthew and it was great fun (when I wasn't experiencing actual nausea from remembering the pain). I vowed to finally get the story written up and post it the week of his first birthday. There must be something in the water because i have just recently read three more awesome accounts of birth stories (here and here and here) that have inspired me to actually make my deadline.

To read the full story follow the link below. WARNING: if you want to preserve your image of me as a dainty sophisticate (snort!) do not read this. It is a tale of carnage and excretions that ends unbelieveably well but it takes a strong stomach to get there. You have been warned.

November 20, 2004

Passed mucous plug! [Ed. Note: i told you.] Woke up and there it were in all its ghastly glory. I was so excited I couldn't go back to sleep (6:30). Maybe today? Maybe. Could go on though - I hope not. It's getting so close to Thanksgiving and i'm starting to worry that my nightmare scenario of having a henpecked resident delivering my baby with the nurse's aide at 3pm on Thanksgiving day is going to come true. What can I do to lure him out? Cookie crumbs? Miniature marshmallows? I am going bananas. The anticipation is agonizing. I can't wait to have him in my arms.

...later 3:00 PM
Took castor oil in a berry smoothie - mmmm. About 45 minutes later everything started to move. Ugh. After several bathroom sessions I am starting to have some contractions.

[A little background. I was due on November 17th. A week before my due date I started having some contractions that really worried me. They were coming fast and getting stronger. I called my sister, Kara, in North Carolina and told her I think I might be going into labor. My sister heard the panic in my voice and got on the next plane to New York. The plan was for her to be my doula if possible (she is studying to be one), but seeing as she lives in another state it was kind of wishful thinking. The second I hung up with her before she boarded the plane the contractions went away, and did not return. When our story begins here, she has been in New York for 10 days and will probably have to leave soon if I don't have the $&%^*! kid. This fills me with panic and dread because although the plan to have her help me and Matthew do this thing was half-assed from the start it's the only one I have and seeing as I slept through most of our stupid birthing lessons I am in big doo doo if she leaves. I will try anything at this point to start labor.]

5-6 PM
Definitely having contractions. I went into the bathroom (yet again) and ta-da! Bloody show. Kara and I pretty excited. Continue to have contractions and we started timing them at 6. Eat a big sandwich.

8:00 PM
Contractions coming consistantly every 5 minutes and lasting for about 45 sections. Popped "Elf" into the VCR since we already rented it.

8:15 PM
I call Dr. Halpern. She said to go into the hospital once I couldn't handle the contractions any more or if there seemed to be any problem with the baby moving. (Um, baby moving? Okay, haven't been keeping track at all if there movement because I am so focussed on the contractions). Meredith [OB] hung up saying she'd probably see me in the morning. I take a shower and drink some OJ and lie down waiting for the baby to move. After a million years he finally kicks but not until i am in a full-blown fantasy of having to race to L&D and them wheeling me in for an emergency C-section. Finish watching "Elf." Is it weird that I was able to enjoy it?

10:30 PM
Waaah. Contractions not getting stronger and unfortunately completely tolerable. Or fortunately, I can't decide. [Ed. Note: Fortunately, you goose.] Go for walk with Kara and Matthew. Before the walk I was getting dressed and as I was pulling on my sweats Matthew asked me "Aren't you going to put on any underwear?" I blinked.  "I am wearing underwear,  you just can't see them." This is good indicator of how f-ing huge I am. My belly could probably block out the sun at this point.

11:30 PM
Back from walk. Contractions are still coming but not getting stronger. I start puttering and getting stuff "ready" - final run through of baby stuff, go through bag for hospital and throw even more crap in, etc.  The contractions are starting to slow down so Matthew and I walk the stairs in our building. We live on the fourth floor of a walkup (why yes, it does suck) so we just take slow trips down to the lobby and back.

1:00 AM
Send off order of wedding pictures to photographer via email thus winning the bet i had with myself of ordering the goddamn prints before the baby arrives (a year and a half after the wedding). Feeling very proud.

1:30 AM
Now trying to get some sleep. Hope the labor doesn't stop. I am getting so impatient.

Sunday, November 21

8:30 AM
FUUUUUUUUUUCK. Slept all night. [Ed. Note: last time I will ever complain about sleeping an entire night, ever.]  Had contractions but mainly slept through them. Now making pancakes.

10:26 AM
Going for yet another walk to keep labor going. I am not taking any more castor oil, dammit. Baby is moving a lot. Having contractions still but irregularly.

1:30 PM
Back from walk, now watching football. Discuss possibility of naming baby Jet. I fall asleep on couch, completely wiped.

2:30 PM
Dr. Halpern calls and basically asks wtf? I explain what's going on. She recommends walks and nipple stimulation. Alrighty then! Went off yet again with Matthew and Kara and walk a circle through Park Slope. Halfway through the contractions really start to come on. When we reach Prospect Park West I have to stop at the light and bend over to get through the biggest one yet. When I stand up to cross the street I see three women pushing strollers staring at me with very concerned looks on their faces. They look so pained that I suddenly I am really scared.

4-6 PM
Back at the house Matthew and I head straight into the bedroom to keep the ball rolling [Ed. Note: Don't do it! Go back! Aaaaaaaah! I can't watch.] Matthew, ahem, stimulates for about half an hour and it seems to be working. Contractions regular and strong. Suddenly I feel a pop inside, very distinctly, and then a wave of intense pain that keeps getting stronger and stronger and doesn't stop. I completely panic and start screaming and writhing. I have an unstoppable urge to crawl out of my body. Kara rushes in and tells me to keep my voice low and to "stay on top of the contraction" (huh?). I shift down to a gutteral moan and somehow I am able to ride out the next one and the one after that with her and Matthew helping me. I go to the bathroom and [sorry, unsavory detail i just can't bring myself to include]. I call Meredith and she listens - everything fine with [unsavory detail]. She is at the hospital and delivering someone else. I can hear in her voice that she really hopes she doesn't have to pull an all-nighter if I come in that night but she says I'll probably be having the baby tonight or early tomorrow. Um, god yes, i hope so. Now laboring on an exercise ball. The contractions are strong and really, really, really hurt but they are not as shocking now so I am able to work through them. Kara holds my shoulders and reminds me to keep on top of it and talks me through each contraction. Matthew lets me rest on him when I'm done. Thank God they are both here.

8 PM (hour 4 of major labor)
Contractions coming much faster now and even more intense. I groan through each one trying to keep my voice low -- i sound like some freakish barn animal. I notice the window is open at one point i realize the whole neighborhood is hearing this, but I don't care. I do feel sorry for my downstairs neighbor, who definitely can hear me and is 7 months along herself.

[At 9 PM or so i figured I had labored 5 hours, it was starting to really, really, REALLY be intolerable, I figured after all that strong labor i HAD to be dilated, right? Call the car service - we don't own a car - and they arrive almost as soon as we hang up. We all trundle downstairs with an enormous duffle bag, the birthing ball etc. and start off for NYU Downtown hospital which is just on the other side of the Brooklyn Bridge in Manhattan. Get up to Labor and Delivery and they put me in the triage room. I am alone, in a gown, trying to ride out the contractions by myself, without my magic ball and my cohorts (sniff). The intern, Haley, comes in and asks me to get up on the table, rigs me up with the band that measures the contractions and sticks her hand up to check on my dialation. I am 1 cm dilated. I start to cry. She says, "but your 50% effaced!" This does not cheer me up because I know they are going to send me home. They do so.]

10:17 PM
Hospital sent us home. I am only 1 cm dialated and 50% effaced. Damn Haley! I hate her. Car ride to hospital was okay. Car ride home is absolutely hellish. Get home and Deana and Harvey are there [Matthew's parents]. They watch me weather a few contractions and then leave at my gentle insistance even though I know they want to stay. They look very worried.

11:40 PM (hour 7)
Get into warm bath - it does nothing. Contractions really f*cking hurt. Feel much better when I am back on my ball.

Monday November, 22

12:30 AM (hour 8)
Laboring - chet baker was helping but cd player breaks. Feh. Labor pains are just ridiculous now. Very hard to stay on top of them. I am so tired. I really want to sleep and I know I'm not getting any sleep for awhile. [I was sitting on the ball, Kara was sitting on a chair in front of me, Matthew behind me on the couch. I would work through a contraction and then Kara would rest her head against mine in the interval and we would both actually fall asleep. When I would feel the next one coming I would think, f*ck it, I am not waking up, but of course I was not in charge any longer and I could actually hear my uterus's evil laugh. This was my last entry until after giving birth]

3:45 AM (hour 11) [Matthew entry, as are the ones that follow]
2nd Car ride to NYU Downtown. The same driver as the first trip took us back, though this time a lot less eager and more dishevelled. I, Matthew, husband and father to be, led Alana down the arduous stairwell and out to the street. This seemed the first time, truly the first time, that what we were doing would lead to the birth of a child. Why? Who the f*ck knows. During the ride all I could think about and say to myself was to reflect on everything I was seeing for the last time as a childless person. I saw the Brooklyn Bridge for the last time, i saw the east river, smelled the garbage and feared my imminent status change. Everything was done, seen smelled, heard and tasted for the last time. Am I a cliche?

4:05 AM
Arrive at hospital... quick and painless argument with hopped up, power-drunk security guard. Kara bitchslaps him and we are on our way.

4:15 AM
Checked out again by Haley. "We're in business" she tells us. 100% effaced and 6 cm dialated. Haley tells us on her way out that she knew we'd be back this morning. [Ed. Note: kill Haley.] Move into birthing room.

5:30 AM (hour 13)
Dr. "Too Tired to Pronounce His F*cking Name Clearly Enough" waddles in half-asleep and indifferently begins the epidural procedure. Nice enough man with choppy english but a semi-rushed manner. Acknowledge to self that this is the first time I feel scared for Alana and angry at a stranger during the whole pregnancy. Think up the phrase "back crack" as he wires Alana's back for drug feeding. The epidural kicks in and Kara and the nurse wrap Alana up like a mummy with a swollen belly. [The second greatest moment of my life was when the epidural worked. The greatest moment to come...]  Alana falls asleep. Kara falls asleep, telling me I've done a good job. We are almost there, I say, denying I did anything at all. Kara has been amazing. She has allayed Alana's fears and anxieties by being direct, frank, sensitive and loving with us both. We were far too lucky to have her with us. They are both asleep now and I am writing this (6:15 am).

November 22 continued  - 7 AM - 4:30 PM

After this last entry from Matthew there are some more entries from Kara (like "8:34 AM The coffee really sucks here." and "9:12 AM Meredith breaks alana's water and we see the swollen yoni. wow." "12:55 Alana just peed 1100 cc of urine. That's 100 cc's more than a liter!") but I will just take over now. After 13 hours of hard ass labor and then the beautiful, miraculous epidural I slept until 8 AM or so. Meredith my OB arrived a little later and checked me out. I was 8 cm and at 0 station and she was pretty sure I'd be having the baby within a few hours. A few hours later though I was still at 8 centimeters and going nowhere. They gave me some pitocin and topped off the epidural (thaaank you!) The new resident came in and started to talk to me about what was going on in a serious Dracula accent. I shouted "Hey! You're Hungarian!" and then started jabbering away at him in his native tongue. I speak Hungarian and I get to use it about 3 times a year so I was THRILLED. He was also thrilled after getting over the initial eye-bug-out shock. Fast forward four hours I am still not dilated enough to push. Things got really bad at this point. My epidural was almost completely worn off and I was in full-blown transition (read: in serious f*cking pain). They were hesitant to top off the drugs again because i was near the limit of what they could give. After nearly 24 hours of active labor I was now on my side crying and just trying to get through the overlapping contractions. I vomited my lovely jello lunch all over the place. I felt like the baby was never going to drop and I was never going to be able to push and that the contractions would never ever stop. Kara was whispering "it's just going to be a little bit longer, you can do it" but I was sure I couldn't do it. I just wanted to give up. Then I felt the oddest sensation of him dropping into the canal. I said, I think I can push now. I got on my back and sat up. Matthew and Kara assumed their positions at either leg and Balazs, the resident played catcher and the nurse Heidi was the ump. They kept telling me to push but I couldn't really get the hang of it at first. I tried pushing but it just felt like I was faking it. I must have been though because they were all telling me I was doing a good job. Meredith got there after about 15 minutes of pushing and replaced Balazs but he hung around, saying outrageous things to me in Hungarian just because he could. Meredith started to count to ten out loud to help me know how long to push. Soon the whole room was yelling out "1..2..3..". I felt like I was in the middle of a surreal pep rally or Sesame Street short. Someone asked me if I wanted a mirror to be able to see what was going on and I said yes. Although the view was seriously alarming it really helped me to push. I could see his little head come out with the pushes and then sneak back in when I stopped. I kept saying his head looked like a meatball and then Balazs asked me if I remembered what the word "meatball" was in Hungarian. I did (husgomboc) and he was duly impressed. Finally after an hour of pushing Meredith shouted that he was almost there, just one more big push. I really beared down and then backed off and then beared down again and he came out. I could feel it all but it was like i was out of my body in a way so although the pain was incredible i was able to ignore it. I watched his head emerge and then his shoulders, all this fluid came out and then I saw his eyes popping open like an angel alien arriving on earth. I was sobbing when they put him on my chest. Matthew was right there kissing me on the head. It was so incredible after all that work to have Lowell finally in my arms. This perfect, beautiful baby was ours. Remember I said the greatest moment of my life was coming? This was it.

Thanks for reading.

Comments

[Amy C]

This is fabulous! I have been readig your site for a few months and really love it. Thank YOU for sharing.

[kara]

yay! now i can remember what happened! thank god someone was taking notes (the coffee truly sucked and the pee?! it was amazing!!!) damn the whole thing was so cool! you guys were awesome. i am so happy i got to be there and see that little (HUGE) alien slither (POP) out of you! it was such an honor, really. i am truly blessed... *snort* okay, sorry for that last bit. but really, thank you for letting me be a part of it. i love you three so much!!!

and i love stories that feature me. can we have more of those (with more pictures of me, too)?

[2na]

I accidentally came across this when searching something about NYU Downtown... Dr. Halpern is my Doctor and I am not due for a while. I love your story!! Thanks for sharing it!!